Rudeness

I am rude to my mom. I am snappy, impatient and reactive. Sometimes I think its your fault. You don’t understand me, jump to conclusions, raise your voice at every time you find fault with me and is easily irritable too. But at other times or maybe more than too often, I am all that u are. Like mother like daughter.

I am sorry. I reflect upon my words and actions always. Aftermath.

Perhaps I see you as a friend, sometimes I wish that you are more than a housewife. Other times I see your dedication, your love and your sacrifice and I marvel at what you can do. This house that i live in is unbelievably spick and span. I can’t even keep my tiny little room in hall clean. You can cook the best honey glazed chicken wings, herbal chicken, white grouper in your special gravy sauce and Singapore’s most wonderful soups -lotus root soup, pai gu tang, apple soup and many more ( forgot the names). Yet, there are times when I know you can be much more if you ventured out to be the architect/fashion designer/cosmetic salesperson that you still talk and dream about. I wish for you to enjoy life to its fullest now and before now. Go mummy, and visit China, germany, greece, switzerland..places that you have always wanted to go. It doesn’t matter if its difficult to find a travel partner. I would have travelled with you if you were willing to travel without inhibitions. It takes courage, a sense of adventure and guts to venture into unknown places. Dreaming, griping, moaning is not enough. We are old enough to stay at home peacefully and not burn this house down. If you don’t go now when will you ever have the chance to travel in your later years? Splurge on yourself, buy nice pretty things  and not restrict yourself to the cheapest items on sale.  You are darn beautiful if you do not know it. Have more confidence.

But as long as you are happy. I shan’t impose my notions of what I think will make you happy. That’s why my thoughts are here.

daemoemail

dear amie,

i know this email is coming waaaaaaay too late. i’m sorry i took so long. but i better late than never, i hope?

first off, i DO treasure our friendship – even though i may not be expressing it adequately. thats why you kept having the wrong impressions and having to bother so much about it during the last few days of the trip and having to confront me a couple of times. i must tell you these: i don’t distrust you; i dont dislike you; and i don’t don’t see our friendship going past the surface. okay, double negatives may be confusing and misleading so here goes: i do see you as a friend friend – & not just a superficial friend okay? i know these are all empty words & talk is cheap. but, seriously, if u want someone to run with during term time or if you just want a listening ear to talk abt problems, please please feel free to come to me – that is, if ure still comfortable with me lah.

secondly, i am sorry. i’m sorry for the things i did or havent done – to confuse you, and make u misunderstand. and i’m also sorry i didnt handle the situation well – being too self-absorbed and caught up in my own little world, so much so that i neglected ur feelings.

thirdly – and frankly – i dont really see why you thought there was something ‘wrong’ with us during that time.

and amie, there isn’t anything wrong with you! i told you, it’s always me!

anyway dear, i hope ur jetlag has worn off (because mine is still lingering haha) and that ure enjoying time in singapore with ur loved ones. please take care & i hbope u arent thinking abt this issue anymore.

xoxo,

(your friend if u still want her)

Facial, Tanvi, Yuan Chun

Had my first ever facial near china town point. The beautician was excellent. It comes with shoulders and hand massage. Rejuvenating. A total of 2 hours. Ended off with a hard sell of their facial products while mother and I ate herbal jelly and sipped iced chinese tea. Not bad. Had the best lao po bing and egg tarts in a long long while. The freshly made pastries beat those touristy packaged ones from taiwan or hongkong. hail cantonese speaking, aged stores selling centuries old LAO PO BING! i <3 them.

Brought tanvi around Chinatown to have some traditional chinese desserts. Mom’s walnut paste was tops. Smooth and creamy. Slides down your throat deliciously. And good for my perpetually forgetful brain too apparently. My mango sago pomelo was disappointing. Do not attempt to fork out 3.50 SGD for a bowl of bland, hardly appetizing mango cubes in syrup with a tad of pomelo bits on top. Tanvi had mango pudding. Came in a plastic cup instead of a porcelain bowl with a bright red (those found on cheap cakes) cherry. Looked suspiciously factory made. S$3. Don’t order. she liked it though.Had a lovely time walking around plaza sing with dear tanvi  after that. Loved her fake G but strikingly orange sandals from bali -only $9 and her  sexy curls. She wanted to cut her hair short. Its a flat NO from me. From experience, my friends will cut their hair short and then grow it back again when they miss it. Just like me. )

Well, friends who last since jc dun come easy. I miss chuan cheng, foo, lino and angel lots. My small but wonderful group of friends.

Oh here’s sth about the national day parade 2009:

“this yr, ndp 09 is centred on our national pledge. The theme, come together, reaching u,p reaching out embodies the 5 things we hope singaporeans do -to explore, connect, express, care and to celebrate

we hope that this ndp, at 822pm.. when the chimes sounds across singapore, all singaporeans will spend a moment in silence, to reflect and recite with us the national pledge as we think about what it means to be singaporean..”

I wish Singapore has more history. That can only come with each passing year of course. When i was in Europe, i saw history come alive. But back in singapore..There’s hardly any architecture that I’m really proud of. Chinatown is unique and colourful.  But surely more can be done. Have more modern art around. Paint the merlion red. Bold, striking, majestic. Build more monuments and sculptures man!! different versions of merlion. Build a LKY statue to commemorate the man who has forged our history almost single handedly. More founding fathers around! May their legacy never die.

Back to my day. Dinner was great i shall let the pictures speak for themselves. Loved la mian and xiao long pao. Thanks chun da ge for treating me to a welcome back dinner. and for cherishing our friendship throughout these two years. Wish u all the best in your upcoming camps. Fight the politics and the mishaps well!

On hives and food and 21st birthdays

I hate getting hives. okays duh who likes getting those itchy red welts that drive u crazy at night. The reason for them is unclear even. Am i not used to singapore whether or are the clams i ate at sakae teppanyaki unclean or do i have an allergic reaction to all shellfish all of a sudden. The doctor’s medicine is not working well. my itch didn’t subside neither did the welts. If it aint hives then its bedbugs bites (shudder) but the funny thing is – the welts are spreading! Now the back of my leg is covered in them. My hands, my once spotless back and tummy. And i found one on my face! roars. I have been eating so much kiwi and oranges and apples in a bait to launch a counter attack on the histamines in my body by releasing a flood of vitamin c. The fruits taste good. yums. I miss tropical fruits. sighhhhh. The things is- my sneak attack aint working! Time to change battleplan. Now for the offensive! I shall visit that darn doctor on friday to demand an explanation for my continued takeover by the enemy hives. stupid.

Food, glorious food. They are every where in singapore! ahhh now i know why we are called food haven. There a freaking bigggggg humongous gigantic food fair at taka basement 1. Had the nicest apple and almonds tartlets today at tangs basement. Ate japanese red bean kueh (oh so delicious! simply mouth watering) at Isetan basement at shaw tower. oh i must tell u that everything goes for half price after 9pm there. Not so fresh but still delicious! The popiah at tangs basement is not too bad (but can be better still) with their melt in the mouth (a lil too thick but still melts) egg skin scrimp paste, special chilli and fresh prawns. yummy! Plus the buffet at EN grill for shu xian’s 21st birthday is sumptious but a tad too little. I went for 4 rounds of food. Not a big eater but cos the portions are too small! Loved the sashimi but too badd it was never refilled. Up next — time to go fumara hotel for international buffet and mirama hotel for japanese buffet! who’s up for it with me.

Too many 21st birthdays to attend. Strangely i enjoyed the party today. But it couldn’t have been that enjoyable if chengz, ethel and xiao ting wasn’t there. Plus it would have been horrible to kx, s and hr was there. sigh. when will i start loving those ppl. its possible. Jesus loves everyone. double sighs. Met xian’s parents and brother for the first time. Plus chengz sister too. she’s not as cold as i thought she would be. I expected her to give me a cold stare talk in some curt manner. she actually smiled at me though she averted her gaze most of the time. she’s not as pretty too as seen from photos. but i’m glad everything went well. I helped xian’s mom serve the cake. Felt a little like a waitress. I was the guest i guess. What were the waiters doing? Xian’s mom paid for the whole place! aren’t they suppose to help with the cake as well.

Feel like an introvert. I was so nervous before the party! wondered if i dress too well. but it turned out fine. I am glad

There’s no such thing as true friends

what u see may not be

I was just thinking so. maybe i haven’t met one or maybe i am not one yet. u’ve got to be before u can have. Unfortuantely, after all these years i haven’t come across someone who can share my joys and sorrows, know my hidden meanings or be there for me throughout. idealistic. There is no such person amie! who can do the things u wish for? why is there then a hidden longing in my inner valve? i hate been alone. There are a few people whom i was close to but ciurcumstances casued us to drift apart. It then led me to think that there is no eternal friend except ur own companionship. so why bother to be close and nice and friendly to those around u. Make peace with all men. Is that all there is to it. U make friends ( not eternal but parting, seasonal ones) so as to maintain peace in ur life. How meaningless. how meaningless life is without true friends to call your own. Isn’t life all about relationships. A tight circle of friends which u belong in. After so many years, I still haven’t found my safe haven. not even in my own family. sighs. not even friends with my own siblings. how sad

in transit

hello earthlings

Ame is currently in transit in dubai for 7 freaking hrs.This sucks of course, but apparently there is a free buffet upstairs for all passengers. I was so well fed on board the emirates flight. For dinner I had slices of lamb and potatoes in barbecue sauce. the sides were a shrimp salad and mixed vegetable salad and strawberry cheesecake. Hungry anyone? This is what u get for paying 1300 SGD for airfare.

The food is absolutely delicious for airplane food. (Nazia sitting on my right is currently checking out all the hungry and thirsty people in the transit area which is what we have been doing every single day on this europe trip!!) I just finished a whole row of mont cherie chocolates too. There’s liquor and a small portion of cherry enmeshed in centre. Delicious chocolates from Germany. I didn’t try much of the chocolates in switzerland, was too sick of all the rittersport chocolates that are still in my bag now. The rittersport factory in sttutgart is definitely worth a visit. that will be reserved for a post later on.

Lets talk more about the dubai airport. Dubai seems like another cosmopolitan singapore-businness hub, world class facilities, well connected, wonderful shopping blah blah. (mentioning which my friends were discussing about how to spice up the tourism scene here. I must give my two cents worth!) The whole airport is very LOOONNNG. Its like almost 3km or more in length. Just one whole long passage down from the end to end. Its filled with duty free shopping. all the shops here are opened 24 hours. The reclining chairs are my area are already filled with people. The seven hours are going to pass by rather slowly. Dubai to singapore is another 9 hours with a 2 hour stopover in Columbia. Extra time waster.

I have so much to say about this trip. Shall type down all my thoughts before they all disappear. yays i will get to see mom and dad tml. I miss mum’s soups, fish and chinese food very much. Shall out myself on a salad diet when i get back. detox! all the chocolate gelato pasta and pizza in italy killed all the salad nutrients from switzerland. How mentioning which, how i miss swizerland so much! On monday i’ll get to see my baby too. yays.

I watched He’s just not that into you onboard the flight. What a nice show. yays i like watching shows like this for free. great shows are cheap prices. haha. I’ve been called the supermarket queen by my travel mates too. Not a very glamorous name. but i can’t help loving the supernmarkets in europe! The yoghurt is cheap and i can to get what i like instead of paying exorbitant prices at the overpriced restaurants!

ffffffffff

DAMN I DELETED MY LONG EMO POST RAWRS

anyway the post is about how there’s no such thing as true friends in this world.

and a few angsty phrases about i am not even friends with my own family. life sucks suck thumb

hello world

the swiss alps

i am back in action! hello from interlaken, switzerland. Terribly frustrated with my ageing computer. have alot of thoughts to pen down. So much things have happened since one year ago. Brian’s gone. Thank God. I have changed in some ways. The bad has turned good and vice versa.

Switzerland is beautiful. Tomorrow i will be going to Lucerne, another picturesque city with Naz while the rest of my travel mates make their way to the top pf Europe. Hopefully I won’t get lost there. It will be quite an adventure of course. Two girls with scarely any topoing skills navigating the swiss streets. Even ky’s worried. But its a small town and yes we will be fine.

Switzerland is super expensive! Every meal costs around 10 sing at least. I have been eating salads in a bid to save moolahs and to cleanse myself from the meat and sugar diet i’ve been through for the past one month. But because i get hungry so often here in interlaken, I keep eating the rittersport chcolates meant for my family and friends. Time to go migros and coop! Still i dunno wad to buy. Yoghurt as usual fare but there’s no fridge. And bread is the evil mind numbing makes- me-stupid gluten staple diet of the europeans.

Remind myself that i need to type an entry about the toilets in europe. I am super angsty about them. )

tired need my brains to navigate and bring naz arnd tml. i think she’s counting on me and i count on noone except God and a slp deprived brain.

HAPPY TIMES

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t
believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people
who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t
find them, make them.
—George Bernard Shaw

Wow what powerful words.

Just wanted to post some happy moments in my recent life so far and a few inspirational quotes at this moment in time.

I have always believed that life is sinusoidal and though i know the tough moments are periods of growth i wish they aren’t there too..

ahhhhhhhh

HAPPY HAPPY!

CHEERFUL CHEERFUL!

GO MELIA GO!

unpublished posts

AHHH i have so many things in my mind that i don’t know what to say.

Feel like this period is a period of growth for me. It’s so darn difficult. sobs

What makes a good leader? What does it takes to command respect? Think i will go and read John Maxwell’s books on leadership.

What does it take to work with others? Is being loud , outgoing and extroverted good? Or being introspective, thinking before u speak, always nice and smiling better.

Committing myself to a committee that spans 3 months of my holidays to be with a bunch of almost strangers for 17 hours everyday is strenuous, frustrating and almost inhumane. All your personal time are taken away from you. One has to spend lunch and dinner eating together even going toilet has to ask for permission. I feel like a kid. A regimental lifestyle that i have so strongly resisted that I am now exhuasted and tired that i cannot help but to cry out to God for that strength to carry.

I am not a quitter. The thought of leaving it all seems almost delectable.

Will i look back on this path with memories and lessons that i will never forget i do not know. Or will this walk be a path that i never wished i had trodden on? The challenges ahead are great. Leading a group of 300 freshmen, standing on stage to speak, surviving on less than 4 hrs of sleep a day and the Seniors’ Official Liasion..what did I get myself into?

Learning to work with people can be excruiatingly painful.